Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
