Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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