I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my shit smells like andre
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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