k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
