I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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