I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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