So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
