Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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