smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You were trust falling into bushes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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