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Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my shit smells like andre
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
