It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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