I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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