she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
