yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
