my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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