Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
