That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
