If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
