Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
smell my finger.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
