We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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