We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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