Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
