I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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