JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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