My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
