new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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