five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
