3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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