he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
