so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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