NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
