that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
