Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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