I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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