DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
