i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
