she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
