We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
