When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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