Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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