i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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