we have pet lesbian snakes
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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