your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
