Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
