So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
