My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
