I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
