This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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