Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
