I just saw a hot homeless man
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
