You're a womanizer and a bitch.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
